The Pleasure of Patina

i love ephemera; actually anything that shows its age has beauty. the more i find, the more i want to buy, but i don't spend enough time converting these finds into something that is mine. when i do, i feel it is often at the expense of my family. i'm an "all-or-nothing" kind of girl, but it shouldn't have to be this way. i am determined now that "nothing be good or bad, lest the mind make it so" (shakespeare); but also, nothing be "this" or "that" lest the mind make it so. that is, i am constantly having to recreate my world everyday because the world is in me. the particles and energy that surrounds me is a sounding board, a mirror that reflects what is in me. if i define myself as a person who never has enough time, then i will always be trying to beat the clock. i am "this" or "that"-- late or tired.

i tried an experiment today and let go of the things i thought i had to do. instead, i did what i wanted with my free time and let the other stuff wait for me. i realized that all my frenzy running around is caused by a need to "do", but none of it was vital. heck, none of it was even important.